Bell Bottom Trousers

Bell Bottom Trousers

Traditional - As sung by Captain Jesse Schaffer

Once there was a waitress in the Prince George Hotel,
Whose mistress was a lady and whose master was a swell.
They knew she was a simple girl just lately from the farm,
So they did their very best just to keep her from all harm.

Singin' bell bottom trousers, coats of navy blue,
Let him climb the riggin' like his daddy used to do.

The 42nd Fusiliers came marchin' into town,
And with them came a company of rapists of renown.
They busted every maidenhead that fell beneath their spell,
But they never made the waitress from the Prince George Hotel.

And then there came a company of Prince of Wales Hussars,
The piled into the whorehouses and packed into the bars.
Many a maid and mistress and wife before them fell,
But they never made the waitress from the Prince George Hotel.

Then there came a sailor, an ordinary bloke,
A-bulgin' at the trousers, with a heart of solid oak.
At sea without a woman for seven years or more,
You didn't need to ask just what he was lookin' for.

He asked her for a candle just to light his way to bed,
He asked her for a pillow for to rest his weary head.
And speaking very gently, as if he meant no harm,
He asked her for to come to bed, just so's to keep him warm.

She pulled aside the blanket and for a moment there did lie,
He was on her, he was in her, in the twinkling of an eye.
He was out again, and in again, and plowin' up a storm!
And all the waitress said was "I hope you're keepin' warm."

Early the next morning, the sailor he awoke,
Sayin' "Here's a two-pound note for the damage I have wrote."
"Now if you have a daughter, bounce her on your knee,"
"And if you have a son, send the bastard off to sea."

Now there she sits upon the dock, a baby on here knee,
A-waitin' for the Navy ships a-comin' home from sea,
Waitin' for the jolly tars in Navy uniform,
And all she wants to do, me boys, is keep the Navy warm!